VOICOVER: [southern accent] Y’know… I love this feelin’. VOICEOVER: Smellin’ the road in the mornin’… VOICEOVER: Color of the dust could behind my trail. VOICEOVER: The deep voice of the mighty beast I am drivin’. VOICEOVER: All that weight and responsibility I got hangin’ behind me. VOICEOVER: This… is what we are. VOICEOVER: What YOU are. [Generic Rock style drums] BRUCE: [wheezes]
ADAM: [quietly] I’m sorry. BRUCE: “Kid Snatcher”! JAMES: Oh man! You’ve been doin’ some work. BRUCE: Oh, “Brent Kid Snatcher Jones.” JAMES: Wait, but his last name IS Snatcher. BRUCE: Oh, Brent Snatcher, oh oh! BRUCE: I see!
JAMES: He’s like, “No no you don’t understand!” JAMES: “Kid” is my nickname!
BRUCE: That’s my nickname! BRUCE: I’m a kid.
JAMES: Because I have a youthful vibrance about me. BRUCE: Yeah yeah, they call me “Kid.” BRUCE: “Kid Snatcher, where you goin’ today?” JAMES: Hhnnaa! Just call me “Kid!” JAMES: They should do it, where if you’re a sex offender… JAMES: I mean, you have to register… JAMES: OR! JAMES: You have to get your picture taken and allow it to be a PNG in a trucking simulator game. JAMES: Let’s hit that big- big road! BRUCE: Let’s go, Kid Snatcher! ADAM: I wanna- I think I wanna start in Elko cuz I’ve never heard of this place… BRUCE: Elko? Nevada.
JAMES: Yeah, the big three in Nevada! JAMES: Reno. Vegas.
BRUCE & JAMES: Elko. JAMES: What’s your job? BRUCE: You’re a trucker! BRUCE: American Truck Simulator!
JAMES: No, but he needs to get on a job right? JAMES: What’re you- what’re you pullin’ here? JAMES: Kid.
BRUCE: Snatcher. JAMES: Already a bad start. First turn bad. ADAM: Not a fan of UPS.
JAMES: Ooo UPS! ADAM: Whoa!
BRUCE: Oh you hit that- you’ve hit the fire hydrant, that’s the problem. ADAM: Oh shit. JAMES: Is it- oh wow that didn’t take long. BRUCE: Already you stuck it? How did you do that? JAMES: There you go.
BRUCE: Why were you going that way in the first place? ADAM: I’m following the red line.
JAMES: After you buddy! JAMES: Here you go. He pulls up next to him and is like, “Hey buddy… Got wood?” JAMES: And then crashes into oncoming traffic!
BRUCE: [laughing] BRUCE: I don’t know what Kid Snatcher was sayin’, but he crashed right into that traffic! JAMES: 14 dead. JAMES: OOOOH that’s a bad!
BRUCE: Oh you got it! BRUCE: You gotta go fast! BRUCE: Oh you jammed- you’re jammed up. JAMES: In that motel he was in, that had HBO… JAMES: He was watching Speed… JAMES: 2. Cruise Control.
BRUCE: Ooo. JAMES: This is the best looking truck shrim- truck schim- truck timesh- BRUCE: You got it right, you got it right! That’s right.
JAMES: This is the best truck chase seminator we’ve ever seen. ADAM: Getting out.
BRUCE: Get tho- get those caffeine pills. ADAM: Yeah. BRUCE: You can’t…
JAMES: There’s someone behind you honking their horn and flashing their lights. JAMES: You’re like, “What is- this person’s crazy!” JAMES: They’re trying to warn you! There’s a sex offender in that cabin! BRUCE: I think they’re talkin’ bout you though.
JAMES: OH whoa! JAMES: They are after you, it’s the police, turns out. ADAM: I wanna go sleep back there, look at that, looks comfor- it’s got a TV!
JAMES: So… BRUCE: You have a job to do, Kid Snatcher! You have a JOB to do, Kid Snatcher!
ADAM: This is amazing. There’s a microwave! WOW!
JAMES: And a microwave! BRUCE: Too wide turn there. [truck being hit]
BRUCE: Bang. Oooh boy. ADAM: That’s what they call him, “Too Wide Turn Kid Snatcher.”
JAMES: That’s some damage right- 12 percent. JAMES: Having this as a career…
ADAM: Yeah. JAMES: Would be fucking terrible. JAMES: BUT! JAMES: That being said, it might be a fun experiment. BRUCE: Yeah.
JAMES: To just try and drive a big Mack truck… JAMES: All the way across the country. JAMES: That’d be awesome.
BRUCE: Well yeah but think- think about it. You’d be free… BRUCE: You’d be easy. You’d be free and easy.
JAMES: Free as the wind. Easy. JAMES: Free and easy.
BRUCE: And you’d have lots of caffeine pills. JAMES: Ton of it.
BRUCE: Like just a ton, you’d be hopped up on caffeine- caffeine pills the whole time! BRUCE: Gettin’ blowjobs on the road! BRUCE: For givin’ people rides! BRUCE: Bein’ a trucker is amazing! JAMES: Givin’ blowjobs, gettin’ rides! BRUCE: Uh no no, you’re GETTING the blowjobs, you’re not giving them. JAMES: Why’re you gettin’ them? JAMES: Cuz you’re getting rides?
ADAM: Don’t they… trucks drive themselves now right? BRUCE: Yeah, trucks drive themselves. JAMES: [chuckles]
BRUCE: You uh tell those hot women to hop in. JAMES: He’s just like, “Oohhhh baby!”
BRUCE: And you just lean back [laughs] ADAM: That’s not women, giving you the blowjobs.
BRUCE: What? ADAM: No. ADAM: Here’s the hitch-
JAMES: We all got mouths… JAMES: Men have penises, women have vaginas, right?
BRUCE: Right. JAMES: We all got mouths.
BRUCE: That’s true. JAMES: There’s NO difference. BRUCE: Ass, gas, or grass. Nobody rides for free! JAMES: Doesn’t make you grea- gay. BRUCE: Mmmm?
ADAM: Shit. BRUCE: It doesn’t make you gay unless you swallow? JAMES: I’m talkin’ about the person receiving but… BRUCE: I think that- no that makes…
JAMES: If you’re sucking dick, I’m pretty certain you’re gay. BRUCE: I’m gonna say… [wheezes]
JAMES: Or you should take a good hard look at yourself. BRUCE: If you’re gettin’ the blowjob from a dude, you’re totally gay. JAMES: Does he have facial hair? BRUCE: Every man has facial hair. JAMES: Noooo! BRUCE: Every man!
JAMES: Maybe he shaved! JAMES: You- he’s hittin- he’s like- you’re leanin’ out the window, you’re like… JAMES: “You shave before I let you in!”
BRUCE: [laughs] JAMES: Alright now let me touch your face! BRUCE: That’s smooth as a baby’s bottom! JAMES: Yeah, that can trick me! BRUCE: Oh jeez [laughs]
ADAM: [chuckles] JAMES: Spoole. SPOOLE: What? JAMES: Does that make you gay? If you receive blowjobs from men? JAMES: Yeah.
BRUCE: Yes. ADAM: When- when you receive your…
BRUCE: You guys have a real problem! BRUCE: I think all of you are genderfluid right now because. BRUCE: [laughs]
JAMES: Oh their- on their head? BRUCE: It doesn’t matter how long their hair is! JAMES: Let me hear you gag. BRUCE: [laughs]
JAMES: How do you sound? Is it high-pitched? BRUCE: [deep gag sounds]
JAMES: Ooo, no can you make it higher please? BRUCE: [higher pitched gag sound]
JAMES: Okay, alright, now we got something to work with! BRUCE: Are you doin’ it, you’re goin’?
ADAM: I think this is it. JAMES: Oh wait, you’re stuck on the back.
BRUCE: He’s jammed up… BRUCE: Just uh mash your foot on the accelerator.
JAMES: Yank it. [truck engine revving] BRUCE: Sounds like Joel’s Prius. JAMES: We should do uh…
ADAM: Shit. JAMES: A- a recreation of My Fair Lady…
BRUCE: Okay. JAMES: We’ll just call it “My Fair Lady…”
BRUCE: Alright. JAMES: But it’ll be about a guy, who’s trying to train a man to be convincing as a woman so he can get a blowjive [laughs] JAMES: [slight posh Brit accent] My word! You’ve certainly outdone all of my expectations! JAMES: [gag sounds] BRUCE: If you get a blowjob from a guy, you’re not gay. BRUCE: If you receive. JAMES: Well…
BRUCE: But! BRUCE: If you cum in his mouth… BRUCE: And… BRUCE: He spits it out, you’re still not gay.
[truck honking] BRUCE: Is that what we’re saying? JAMES: Well I’ll tell you what you’re not: you’re not a gentleman! JAMES: Are you stuck? ADAM: No I’m good. JAMES: You get wedged on the landscape? [laughs] BRUCE: Adam, you got- [laughs]
JAMES: [gear shifting noises] BRUCE: [similar truck noises] ADAM: Goodbye slave wench! BRUCE: Nonono wh- you need that to complete the mission! ADAM: We’re now faster.
JAMES: Oh! JAMES: Would you tell a- a slave… as he’s getting off Amistad ship… JAMES: That he needs to keep his chains? JAMES: No! BRUCE: Hhhhwwwaaaooohhh boy! BRUCE: Oh no!
JAMES: Oh man! JAMES: He smashed him real good. BRUCE: OH no! It’s a two car pileup. BRUCE: That’s kinda the way you would drive if you were getting a blowjob from a man, right? JAMES: Yeah yeah. BRUCE: Absolutely.
ADAM: Yeah. JAMES: You’d be checkin’ out the microwave. ADAM: Do you think I can take that guy’s trailer? JAMES: Oh great idea!
[horn honking] [horn honking]
BRUCE: [wheezes] JAMES: Hell on wheels! BRUCE: I like that you’re driving in the middle of the road. ADAM: Yeah. JAMES: Oooo boy! JAMES: Wow! BRUCE: That was awesome!
JAMES: You smashed that one. JAMES: Here we are at the casino! JAMES: 45 on Blackjack! ADAM: ‘Sup diner? JAMES: That’s- that’s the diner. ADAM: Boo!
JAMES: Ice cream truck! JAMES: Hey he can be an ice cream man after this. ADAM: That’d be a good idea. BRUCE: He’s not gonna be anything after- he’s going to jail. ADAM: Well I just found out this is my ex-wife’s car, so… BRUCE: [laughs] JAMES: You bitch! BRUCE: [laughs harder] JAMES: Oh that’s not good. BRUCE: Visit service as soon as possible. ADAM: Oh I’ll get service alright. BRUCE: From that man! ADAM: From the mouth!
JAMES: Softest cheeks I ever felt! JAMES: The inside of em too! BRUCE: Drive. JAMES: Look at the lights blinking on his dashboard. BRUCE: Uhoh that cop’s coming after you. BRUCE: He shoves this guy’s head down, he’s like, “Shut up shut up the cop’s are here!” BRUCE: Alright restart restart. Let’s start in a different city. BRUCE: Elko’s fucking boring. JAMES: Who woulda thought? JAMES: Elko. Heart of Nevada. BRUCE: I mean, we got a lot of blowjobs but… restart. BRUCE: Start in Los Angeles. We’ll find our office. JAMES: Man-merica. JAMES: Oh, kay. JAMES: Tammy… BRUCE: Tammy Man Merica.
JAMES: Tammy Man Cheeks! BRUCE: Is that a man or a woman? ADAM: Here we go. JAMES: She’s a woman, but her cheeks feel like a man’s! JAMES: So what does that mean? JAMES: She got facial hair. ADAM: I wanna find s-
JAMES: If you get a blowjob from her… BRUCE: Yeah?
JAMES: Does it make you gay? BRUCE: No. She’s a woman. BRUCE: She still has a vagina. JAMES: Yeah, but you don’t know that. ADAM: Puss…
BRUCE: Puss p-p- pussslayer! JAMES: Alright.
BRUCE: Where’s Los Angeles? JAMES: Los Angeles! JAMES: [imitating Randy Newman] I loooove LA! BRUCE: We love it! [gags] JAMES: Woooowwww!
BRUCE: It is our city! JAMES: It’s our hoooome! JAMES: There WE are, right there! JAMES: The top of that building. ADAM: Look at that ghost up there. ADAM: Is he tagging?! BRUCE: It’s a Slendermen! JAMES: Get off of that thing! BRUCE: [chuckles] BRUCE: Doanyofyou need a blowjob?! BRUCE: Can we figure out where we are in Los Angeles and go to our office? JAMES: Looks like we’re at- near the docks. JAMES: And uh… JAMES: Pretty shady part of town, so we can’t be too far off. ADAM: This is like San Pedro. BRUCE: I was gonna say, that means we can find my childhood home. BRUCE: I’m FROM San Pedro. JAMES: It’d be really cool if they modeled your childhood home in this and up front it said “Bruce’s Childhood Home.” BRUCE: That would be really cool. JAMES: And then there’s another sign in the lawn that you couldn’t do anything about… JAMES: That said uh “Blowjobs from Men…
BRUCE: Free Blowjobs!
JAMES: with Soft Faces. JAMES: Don’t Make You Gay. BRUCE: I was like, “Ah damn it!”
JAMES: Ahhhh! JAMES: Damn kids! ADAM: Let’s explore.
BRUCE: Why do you always let go of your load?! JAMES: He doesn’t need it! JAMES: Adam does always release his load… BRUCE: Way too early! JAMES: Way early! BRUCE: Way too early.
JAMES: S-sooner than I could possibly imagine. SPOOLE: From 1 to 10… BRUCE: Hit him.
JAMES: Oh watch out watch out watch out watch out! BRUCE: BOOOOOM! JAMES: He turned into you.
ADAM: Yeah. BRUCE: Yeah that was his fault! BRUCE: Well keep on drivin’! ADAM: Yeah truckin’!
JAMES: Charge it to my company, Pu$$layer. BRUCE: [horn honk] ADAM: The dollar sign is an S. JAMES: Oooo that was a surveillance van! BRUCE: He was actually lookin’ for you! JAMES: There’s a guy listening. BRUCE: He’s like “I know they’re gonna get blowjobs from dudes!”
JAMES: “I think we got El Chapo, he might be at- BLAGH!” JAMES: Why’re you stuck to the roads?! ADAM: Ooo yes. BRUCE: Cuz you’re a trucker. BRUCE: You’re an American Trucker!
JAMES: But half of being a trucker is just wandering around… ADAM: Here we go.
JAMES: Like a crazy person. ADAM: I’d like a job please! BRUCE: [laughs] BRUCE: You slam into the boss’ car. [laughing] JAMES: It smashes into the back of it. Throws his resume. JAMES: Just flutters down to the guy. JAMES: The guy’s like, “What am I supposed to do with this?” and he’s getting peed on from above. BRUCE: His truck doors open and dudes fly out! JAMES: Yeah! BRUCE: With cum all over their mouths! ADAM: I would like to hire you. JAMES: H-he- yeah, it’s like the scene in The Shining when the elevator doors open and except it’s semen. BRUCE: Ah ho! JAMES: There’s gotta be the one. BRUCE: Oh that is- this is wh- my baby’s house! BRUCE: Nope. ADAM: Oh you got it! BRUCE: Whoa! JAMES: Oh you recovered nicely! ADAM: Oh wu! ADAM: Come on! BRUCE: What’re you doin’ on- JAMES: It died.
ADAM: The engine’s dying.
BRUCE: Oh your engine died. JAMES: Little help! BRUCE: [laughing] JAMES: “Can I get a push and a blowjob!?” ADAM: Oh look! I can call for assistance! JAMES: Oh yeah perfect. ADAM: Yeah, got my load back! JAMES: Sweet! BRUCE: Try and deliver your load. JAMES: Ask him- ask the assistance guy to deliver your load. [country-rock music] [horn honking in time with song] ADAM: Um. JAMES: Fix fix fix.
BRUCE: You don’t have any money. JAMES: Fix. He’s got plenty of cash. JAMES: The good thing about a trucker is that you can always go into debt! ADAM: Oh look at that! JAMES: Okay alright.
ADAM: I can upgrade my hooptie! JAMES: You need a spoiler. ADAM: Yeah. BRUCE: They have spoilers? JAMES: [softly] Hey, go back to the engines… JAMES: [tries to hold in laugh] BRUCE: [laughs] JAMES: Is there any way you can get the steering wheel a little higher? JAMES: And maybe- maybe the seat- the passenger seat is like a captain’s chair… BRUCE: Whoa! JAMES: So you can rotate, so that way they can just turn towards you and… BRUCE: There’s actually a button that you press, that the- that rotates the seat, and then- like dumps the seat onto you! JAMES: It pushes them!
BRUCE: So you just can’t stop! JAMES: Hey hold on hold on hold on hold on! ADAM: Get on the open road. ADAM: Get some speed. BRUCE: Dang.
JAMES: Hook that one. BRUCE: Yeah I knew you- I-I saw that one comin’ a mile away! JAMES: [laughs]
BRUCE: Adam! BRUCE: You left your load again! JAMES: As soon as there’s a problem [laughs] JAMES: It’s a- that’s a metaphor for your life! BRUCE: I kno-ho-ho-oh. JAMES: Damn it, Brent. BRUCE: Ramp right here, there’s a ramp.
JAMES: No no no no. BRUCE: That- that would’ve been it! ADAM: Noooo. BRUCE: That’s definitely a ramp.
JAMES: More speed. JAMES: He needs more speed.
ADAM: Look at that. JAMES: That’s the thing about these bad boys. JAMES: Can’t stop em. JAMES: Straight to Tequila! BRUCE: Alright, you mean Tijuana?
JAMES: Huh? BRUCE: Okay don’t hit those cars, they’ll slow you down.
ADAM: Oh there’s a cop! JAMES: Just cruise right by. If you act like you’re supposed to be going this fast, they can’t say anything. BRUCE: [chuckles] ADAM: Yeah, we truckers pass on the right. ADAM: In lanes that don’t exist.
JAMES: Oh nice! JAMES: They won’t see ya! ADAM: Fuck you!
JAMES: Oh shit!
BRUCE: Nice Adam! JAMES: You need more downhill speed. ADAM: I can’t make the hills James.
JAMES: Make the hills. BRUCE: This is just like O.J. Simpson. JAMES: Remember when he stole that semi? JAMES: Here we go. This is downhill speed. BRUCE: Okay this is it, hit the ramp. BRUCE: Uh or hit a ramp. ADAM: There it is.
JAMES: Go straight across. ADAM: I see it yeah. BRUCE: Oh no you can’t go through there! ADAM: Oooo daddy!
JAMES: Straight across! BRUCE: There’s a wall! JAMES: Hit that ra-
ADAM: Yaaaassss! JAMES: Lost some valuable speed. Turn it turn to- wuh augh that was it! JAMES: You shoulda turned it there.
ADAM: And… ramp! ADAM: Fuck.
JAMES: Ohhhh. BRUCE: Operator error. Operator error.
JAMES: And then you roll it. ADAM: [quietly] Here we go.
BRUCE: [quietly] What’re you doin? BRUCE: You’re going the RIGHT way. ADAM: There is no right way. ADAM: In Truck Simulator world. BRUCE: [exhales deeply] JAMES: Not being a trucker is the right way. JAMES: There you go! BRUCE: This is what you should’ve-
JAMES: There sh-go!
ADAM: Yeah! BRUCE: Oh yeah!
JAMES: Now you’re over the edge! JAMES: Suck my balls, I’m free! ADAM: Shit!
JAMES: Oooooooo. BRUCE: This game is no fun. BRUCE: We’ll play the next one. We have another one. ADAM: Fine. BRUCE: It’s gonna be better, it’s called “Naval Warfare.” BRUCE: “I’m Captain Pusslayer of the High Seas!” BRUCE: [singing a shanty] Cap- tain Pusslayer on the High Seas! BRUCE: [singing] I munch and I munch and I munch!
[strings and a harmonica] JAMES: [singing] Hey, is that hair in my teeth, you say! JAMES: Why yes it is! JAMES: Is it just you alone on this ship? JAMES: There’s- you have no crew? ADAM: No.
BRUCE: No Pusslayer started out small. JAMES: But she’s got a huge ship. BRUCE: That’s true! BRUCE: She stole it from another captain. BRUCE: Captain Rugmuncher! JAMES: I have an appetite! BRUCE: [wheezes] JAMES: For adventure! BRUCE: [laughs] I love to eat… burgers. BRUCE: Of fur. BRUCE: Something smells like fish! BRUCE: Because I’m on the ocean! JAMES: I’m good at cunnilingus! BRUCE: [wheezes] BRUCE: That’s it, that was the ending. JAMES: Spread your legs, here I come! BRUCE: Alright ram her. ADAM: For freedom! BRUCE: BOO!
JAMES: OOO! SPOOLE: [laughs] ADAM: [elbow hits desk] BRUCE: Nobody stands in our way.
JAMES: Avast! JAMES: Show me your vagina! ADAM: [softly] Hurts bad. JAMES: So that I might feast upon it. JAMES: There you go, take em.
ADAM: Give em a little tug. JAMES: Giveemahit.
ADAM: Boom. ADAM: Fuckin’ hell. BRUCE: Well this is just no fun at all. BRUCE: I don’t understand.
JAMES: Avast! BRUCE: That was- that wasn’t even a pirate game, you were just a boat! JAMES: Hold on.
ADAM: That was just a boat game. JAMES: [imagines pirate snarl]
ADAM: I got people now! BRUCE: You have 20 seconds until your thing starts. BRUCE: Go to the objective. BRUCE: I don’t know where that is, but go to the objective. ADAM: Yeah! Oh god slow down, hey! BRUCE: Alright, that’s way cooler. BRUCE: Wait what’s that? BRUCE: There you go, that’s it, that’s where you need to go! ADAM: Oh my god, I’m going so slow though.
JAMES: Oh shit. BRUCE: That’s- this is how it’s like to be on a ship. JAMES: Yeah.
BRUCE: It takes 15 minutes to turn. JAMES: You’re like, “There’s a guy!” JAMES: “He’s 8 hours away!” JAMES: Let’s go get him! BRUCE: You’re just doing this for a really long- JAMES: Alright I’m gonna go to bed! ADAM: Oh shit.
BRUCE: There he is! ADAM: Fire! JAMES: Oh fuck. No, don’t fire now! SPOOLE: [laughs]
ADAM: Oh shit.
BRUCE: Oh my gosh Adam. BRUCE: Adammm. ADAM: That’s a warning shot. JAMES: Here he comes.
ADAM: ‘Sup blood? JAMES: Here he comes!
BRUCE: He’s about! JAMES: He’s turning!
BRUCE: He’s turning to- JAMES: He’s turning! Don’t him turn on ya!
BRUCE: Turn! BRUCE: Starboard.
JAMES: Oh Adam that’s not where you wanna be! BRUCE: Fire fire fire fire! JAMES: Oh my goooodddd!
BRUCE: Oh thank god.
ADAM: Lay off. BRUCE: You’re the worst captain.
JAMES: The worst. JAMES: Oh good hit!
BRUCE: Oh those were good hits! BRUCE: Oh you got shot real bad too. JAMES: Oh you got him though.
BRUCE: Oh you hit him real bad, he just sunk a lil bit. JAMES: Oh oh oo oooo oooooooo. BRUCE: Fire. JAMES: Oo oo. ADAM: Augh way off. BRUCE: Those are all misses. Just like Pirates of the Caribbean: The Ride. [high frequency whistle] BRUCE: What sort of whistle-
JAMES: Stupid whistle. ADAM: Shut up! JAMES: Get ready to fire right side.
BRUCE: Chains ready on the- the right side. JAMES: Get ready to fire right side! JAMES: Oh you gotta turn a little bit more.
ADAM: I’m tryin’ man… ADAM: Look you see how hard I’m holdin’ this button!
JAMES: OHHHH! Those are big hits! ADAM: It’s not a real person- augh. ADAM: You okay men? ADAM: Still reloading that one that we haven’t fired in two months? BRUCE: Are you going fast or did you stop? ADAM: [hits desk] BRUCE: I think he stopped.
JAMES: Well don’t take your hands off the wheel Adam. BRUCE: Do you think you can call a whale and maybe the whale’ll push you? ADAM: Like Aquaman? JAMES: OH!
ADAM: Fuck your boat.
BRUCE: Oh wow. ADAM: 97%
BRUCE: 97% sir. ADAM: Back. Back! You go… JAMES: You missed him.
BRUCE: Adam, you have to predict the movements. ADAM: [yelling] Do you see the fucking buttons I’m holding down?! BRUCE: Predict the movements Adam. JAMES: You gotta, yeah you can’t be…
BRUCE: As a- BRUCE: As a boat captain.
JAMES: You can’t just do it when it’s time to do it. JAMES: You have to do it before it’s time to do it. JAMES: Oh now wait wait.
BRUCE: Board board board. JAMES: OH they bumped each other! BRUCE: Why can’t you board him?!
ADAM: I’m hitting it! ADAM: Uh right now the game is going very slow… ADAM: Cuz I’m in a big stupid boat. ADAM: That’s-
JAMES: It says “Boarding Preparation” and the number’s counting up. JAMES: That doesn’t help us. BRUCE: The guys are gettin’ ready. They’re puttin’ on their boarding jackets and their boarding pants. BRUCE: It says an hour and a half up there, by the way. That’s how long these battles take.
ADAM: Oh my god. JAMES: 1v1 me bro.
ADAM: Ch-yeah. BRUCE: [background] You can stop playing. JAMES: 360 no-scope cannon shot. BRUCE: If you 360 no-scope the boat, we might get a video out of it. JAMES: Here we go Adam, come on.
ADAM: Here it goes. ADAM: Fire. Nope. Both misses. ADAM: Nope. That’s gonna hit. BRUCE: You missed all of it.
JAMES: You missed every single one. BRUCE: Every shot.