Hello, human. Grab a cartridge from the tray, and let’s get to work. The stapler, an extinct document binding device circa early 21st century… (inaudible) Ahh, the kitchen. Do I see an aspiring chef? Hello, human. This is an accurate simulation of *Monotone* Gourmet Chef. We’ll start by making some breakfast. Turn on the grill and let’s get fryin’. Now, put your creations on the plate and you can ring the bell to send it out to the restaurant. The smoothie is one of the most efficient forms of human food. Simply take some of your inefficient solid food and put it through the blender. Looks good. Pour it out into a cup and then we can serve it. Eh-Hello Human. Might I trouble you for some tea and crumpets? Tea is a traditional human beverage consisting of heated water and flavor. Let’s begin with heating some water using a kettle. Like most beverages, tea is best optimized for consumption by being placed in a cup. Similar to tea, crumpets also require heat. To cook flat items, humans use devices called toaster. Let’s try making some soup. As you can see, there are several different kinds we can make. But they all start with putting some water in the pot. Great! Now fill it up with whatever kind of ingredients you want. MMM, just like Mom Bot used to make. Next, create a vertical arrangement of organic elements. Humans refer to this as a sandwich. I’m trying to cut down on gluten, but that looks pretty sandwich. Yes, bonjour! Today, I brought you a very rare steak. It is a 1984 vintage. I wish to have it prepared. Please, human, do continue. I do wish for it to be well done. Ah, yes, quite well done. Now, if you would be so kind as to pair it with your finest Vintage grape juice? Tres bien, tres bien! Please have it delivered out to your restaurant at once. Whoa, whoa, wait a second. Before you plate that, did you realize that was famed Meat Aficionado Meat-Bot? We better make sure our service is… exceptional. Better serve this on the plate, too. Hello! It’s my little Timmy Bot’s birthday. Can we get some pizza for the kids? Pizza is generally defined as a combination of bread, tomato, and cheese. Chefs would put their own twist on the dish, adding additional food items known as toppings. Let’s begin by blending up some homemade tomato sauce. Delicious! Now, we are almost there. Combining the bread with some cheese in the microwave should fulfill all material requirements. That looks like enough to supply the festivities. Send them off to the dining room. I forgot to mention, little Timmy is deadly allergic to tomatoes. Could you make a special slice? What do you want instead of sauce on your pizza, Timmy? I want sauce. That sauce. Make me apple sauce. All right. The human will make you some apple sauce. Go sit down, now. Oh, one more thing. Timmy is also allergic to warmth. Could you just serve the ingredients raw? Thank you! Eat up, Timmy! The human made it special for you. [cough] There’s tomatoes in there. I can taste it. Psst. Hey, human. Can you help me out here? I’m trying to propose to my romantic partner. I’d like to be surprised. Can you hide this ring inside a sandwich or something? Oh, that’s great! Uh, one more thing, though. I wanted to have some romantic music playing while I do it, but I forgot to burn this disk. Could you burn it for me? To show affection for one another, humans of the past would burn music on to primitive storage devices called disks. The details of the burning procedure have largely been lost to history, but it must have had something to do with heat. Oh, that’ll be perfect. Thank you so much! Make sure you load the disk into the boombox and hit play before you send out that sandwich. I’ll take care of things from there. [bad romance music] What’s this, my dear? My sandwich feels much heavier than usual. Huh. That’s interesting. I wonder if there’s something … different inside. What do you mean? (gasps) What’s this? My sweet, I emotion you. Will you enter a legally binding partnership with me? Oh, of course! I’m the happiest bot in the world! Oh, wow! The answer was affirmative! The answer was affirmative! Well the kids are out finished with their pizza. Now they’re ready for cake. We do get a free birthday cake, right? Can’t argue with that. Human-run restaurants were morally obligated to provide free cake on children’s birthdays. Good thing we have a Microwave that can quickly mutate ingredients into food. Okay, kids. Let’s get going. Hey boss, that party left a huge pile of dirty dishes. We’re gonna need your help to get through these. They’re pretty nasty, so make sure you use a good squirt to soap. Come on, what’s the point of having opposable thumbs if you can’t even hold a plate? Great. Thanks for your help. You there! I need your help. The health inspector’s on his way over, and I don’t think we’re gonna pass inspection. (uh oh) You need to clean this place up! You can start by destroying all this old fruit. (vomits) Okay, that’s one thing taken care of. How about those sprinklers? See that little thing up on the ceiling? Try chucking something at it. See what happens. I guess it’s not working. Oh, well. What are the chances of there being a fire in here, anyway? Now we need to deal with any potential insect problems. Look around and see if you can find anything. Yikes! That’s not good! You need to do something about these guys. Get rid of ’em quick! Well, I guess that’ll have to do. Here comes the health inspector. Okay. Everybody stop what you’re doing. It’s inspection time. Hmm, yes, interesting. Eugh… That’s questionable. All right, then, I’ll just tell you these results. And it looks like you passed this time. Whew, that was a close one. But now we can get back to business. Hey Chef. There’s a bot here to film an episode of some TV show with you? They say it was already booked ahead of time, so, well, just do whatever they say. Hi, human! I’m TV bot. We’re doing a show on how these organic nutrient packs are made. So I just need to record some footage of you going through the various steps, ‘kay? First step is to blend up this protein chip. Let’s get a shot of you doing that. Hey, okay! Great, that was good. Now, let’s get a shot of you putting this flavor packet in the microwave. All right! It’s in there. Closed the door and let me get a shot of the mi- All right! Everybody’s following along at home. We got a… Beautiful! Now, just pour that blended protein fluid onto the cube and we are done. Hey, great job, human. Really appreciate it. Oh, one more thing. Can I get a shot of you eatin’ it? Just act like it’s real delicious, all right? Hey, thank you so much, human. This is some great footage. This episode’s gonna be fantastic! Hey, human. Check this out. I found this rare turbo ghost death nova pepper. Can you prepare it for me? I like it a- Come on, put some heat into it! Come on, that’s not hot enough. Can’t you do something else? Hmm, yeah, I guess that’ll have to do. Give it here. Hey, Chef. We got three bots out here that ordered the special. Not sure what that means, but that’s what they want. Ordering the special means placing your trust in the chef. Just give those bots anything. Be creative. Oh, ho ho ho! What a fascinating dish! Another beautiful looking meal, Chef. Ah, hmm, this looks truly a special. And that’ll do for the last one. They wanted something special and they certainly got it. Nice cooking, human. Holy smokes, this is way too hot! Uh Oh. Sounds like the guy with the hot pepper from earlier. Hey, Chef. Help a bot out, here. Come on! Whoo! Thanks, human. You really saved my circuits. I just got word from the TV studio, human. They liked your performance on that commercial you did, so they’re sending in a camera crew. They’re gonna put you on a reality show. In the distant past, having your own reality show was seen as the peak of human achievement. Good work, human. 😀 Okay, bots. Let’s get those cameras set up already. Ready to go, boss. You ready human? Okay, bring in the talent. Nice to meet you, human, I’m Chef Bot Ram-Z. Let’s get this ball rolling, shall we? Okay, we’ll start with the meatball scene. And… action! Those meatballs won’t prepare themselves. Yuck, those look so bad. My neural network associates them with virtual garbage. So, are you going to serve them, or just let them sit there and get even more disgusting? Truly despicable. My kids could cook a meal 100 times better than that. And they’re graphing calculators! Cut! That was good. Well, great, so far, human. I know I can be a little loud on camera, but it’s all just part of the show, you know? All right, scene 2. That’s the free-form cooking part, and… action! You worthless chemical-based meat bag. Get to cooking. Make something good. Show us what you can do. Anything. That’s so overdone it could be a meme. You’re not finished yet? Hurry up, serve it! Cut! That’s a wrap, folks. Great performance, human. I’ve got a lot of respect for you after this. Hope to work together again sometime. Farewell. Well, you know how to get back to the museum if you want to. I’ll just be hanging out here while you do whatever you want.