This is a really long show. So here’s what we’re gonna do:
Not saying you shouldn’t give a long speech But whoever gives the shortest speech tonight will go home with Johnny, tell them what they’ll win! It’s a brand new Jet Ski! [applause] The 2018 Kawasaki Ultra 310 LX! The number one choice for watercraft enthusiasts! Retail price: $17,999! Back to you, Jimmy. Thank you, Helen. Helen Mirren not included. So there you go. Why waste precious time thanking your mom When you could be taking her for the ride of her life on a brand new jet ski? This is not a joke. I will be timing you. I have a stopwatch The moment you are handed that Oscar, the clock will start ticking, so get up here, grab it, and go! And in the unlikely event of a tie, I need to say the jet ski will be awarded to Christopher Plummer. I feel like some of you aren’t taking the jet ski thing as seriously as I had hoped. The leader right now is Mark Bridges, the Costume Designer from “Phantom Thread” He did his in 36 seconds, which is solid. That’s gonna be tough to beat. And I would like to – I know actors like motivation, so we’re sweetening the pot. Johnny? A trip to sunny Lake Havasu! You and a guest will drive round trip from Burbank for a three day, two night stay at the beautiful Havasu Days Inn! You’ll enjoy fishing, sleeping, and don’t forget to bring your jet ski to the place where Arizona comes to play! Beautiful Lake Havasu! That’s right, so let’s tighten this up folks. Congratulations to all of our nominees, our winners, and to the winner of the jet ski, which is the real big prize of the night: Costume Designer Mark Bridges. Bring it out! Mark Bridges, Helen Mirren! We’ll see you in Havasu, Mark! Thanks for watching to the end! Thanks to Jennifer Todd, Mike DeLuca, John Bailey, Dawn Hudson Happy birthday to my wife, and apologies to Matt Damon, we ran out of time for him. Don’t forget to always hit ’em with the hein, goodnight everybody!