P: HeLlOoOOoOOo Dan and Phil Games P: oNiOnS D: DoNkEh D: sorry
P: *laughs* okay P: Back to… P: SpOOky week D: That isn’t- this is a spooky jumper P: Alright
D: He’s spooked ya, Skelly D: He’s like, “what up, gotta pumpkin”
P: Some people- P: -are scared of bugs and insects, so I’m wearin ma beetle jumper D: I refuse to believe that is what-
P: *laughs* Okay- P: I went to get my spooky clothes out and half of them were moth-eaten P: cus I haven’t wore ’em for a year P: and they smelt really musty P: so they needed a bit of a wash-
D: Ooh like they’ve been in a wardrobe since last October D: Okay, yeah, that’s fair enough
P: So I put on this, and I think this is scary enough D: I’m scared of beetles P: Yeah P: *beetle noise* D: I had- don’t even- P: *pssh* D: …an incident, there was a fireplace in my bedroom P: Yeah D: and in the summer, may bugs used to just land down the chimney D: and then just go cRazY in my bedroom D: and, you think a wasp sounds stressful? P: Yeah D: You think a loud fly sounds sflufl-? D: Imagine being asleep, and then a beetle flies into your head like- D: *MANIC BEETLE NOISE* P: Let’s play the sound of one now *sound of incredibly fast tiny fluttering wings* P: There you go, there’s still one D: I am-
P: inside Dan D: -legitimately afraid of beetles D: ALRIGHTTT D: umm
P: So P: today P: I’ve chosen the game P: Thought it was very relevant to this guy P: We’re gunna be playing P: sWamP siMuLaToR D: If something is a slender clone, why is it called a swamp simulator? A lot of things are going on here P: Well the plot twist is, we’re gonna be running from evil shrek D:Is that a plot twist? P: I thi- It might be P: I mean the thumbnail probably gave it away
D: Its slender with shrek
P: SHreKDer P: ShrekDer MaN Is donkey in it? I don’t know I know we’ve gotta collect some onions, I haven’t opened the game yet, but the icon is an onion Dim the lights D: OOHhh SorRy YuPp P: Dim your lights at home Get immersed Can put a blanket over your head D: If you’re watching this on a phone, get your phone, and put the torch on P: Yeah D: Just-just for no reason P: Chow down on an onion Ride a donkey GEt iN thERe D: Worst thing you’ve said in a while OKAY-Uh-I’m gonna Or should you control this D: ‘Cause I always do it P: I’m so bad at this D: I have-we did slender, we did slender christmas and I’m controling it and it is much scarier D: to be the person actually responsible for doing it P: FINE
D: like you in the quiz so I feel like P: Give me the controllers
D: It is only fair D: that you do this one D:OoOoooOkAY and we-That is sooOOMmme
P: Is that Shrek’s ASS? D: Shrek smut right there P: Oh my gosh and to be honest Do we have to censor that? I don’t think so, that’s just some thigh we got side butt right there There’s ass crack there D: Is that ass crack?
P: YES or is that just thigh going into ass Maybe let’s not analyze it too much it’s already horrifying
D: I’m just saying its actually great for whoever drew that
P: It’s quite beautiful P: *laughs*
D: They did- Yeah Yeah I’m quite moved actually thumbs up if you now fancy shrek 🙂 SwAmp SIm see these games for some reason makes me really scared and I think its cause they’re so simple I know the jumpscare could come at any time As we’ve long established on spooky week, any woods at night time, D: I’m gonna be scared okay
P: Yeah ’cause that’s just scary although this is very green it is I wonder if this is gonna be silly D: or genuinely quite shocking
P: Its the swamp D: I don’t know
P: I’m gonna go full immersion D:There’s some options in the corner D:we can enable oGREdrive and that is for hardcore brogres D: well we’re not hardcore brogres
P: No we’re first time brogres well i think you’re a single layer, don’t you? P: Single?
D: Phil’s a single layer P: single layer D: Shrek is love, Shrek is life said by God *laughs* DnP: 2013 *laughs* was a good meme D: Alright here we are
P: I’m WASD-ing Jesus You are WASD-ing P: This is very spooky already
D: Alright let’s take in the sights of the swamp shall we? that toxic stink coming around (P: I bet that stinks) Can I go in the swamp? D: I think-
P: OH *water splashes* *laughs* Game:HeEY noW yEh a rOcKStah P: YEh a ROcKStarr D:Did they get a Scottish guy to just do an impression of “All Star” lyrics as Shrek? ’cause if so this is Game of the Year people! alright phil keep your eyes PEELED P:they are PEELED like an onion D: onion one
P: is that an onion?
D: yeah P:that looks like a ball DnP: its an onion D: one of eight layers
P: okay D:is that a single layer of onion? D: i feel like-
P: shh *shrek noises* P:Oh my god *shrek noises continues* D: why have they pitched it?
P: I’m scared D:Phil, I think that means that D: shrek’s nearby
P: Is shrek close? D: OOOOHhhh
P: SHIIIIIIIIIINE P: the light…. D: YOU’RE NOT DEAD P: OH D: THAT WAS JUST HIM SPOOKING YOU
P: Oh my god P: he just spooked me
D: THAT WASN’T SHREK D:just run somewhere, run run, hold shift P: shift
D: with your left finger. right there we go P: SHiiiii..
D: that was the pre-warning. that was the-
P: I thought that was the- DnP:Okay what does the sign say D: shrek’s punishment barrel
P: oh my god P: what does he do with a punishment barrel
D: I DON’T- I DON’T EVEN WANNA know what that P: what does that mean?
D: was that something from the movies? D:did i forget something like weird, kinky, stomach inflation what is going on over there? P:I don’t know, I’m heading towards that D:head towards-OOh an onion P:right D:layer two
P: If i get all the onions I’m gonna be so happy D: you’re not dead
P: OOH *shrek rapping* P:ohmygodohmygodohmygod D:RUN RUN THERE’S ANOTHER ONION. NO NO TO THE RIGHT TO THE RIGHT. YES YES RUN FOR IT JUST RUN FOR IT then keep running
P: okay P: but i wanna see what’s in the house D:DON’T STOP DON’T STOP P:I wanna see what this is D:that’s shrek’s hut D: Shrek you hut’s on fire
P: WHy is this-why P: can I go in?
D: shrek are you there? DONKEY?! P: SHREK?
D: YOU NEED TO SAVE HIM D:SAVE HIM QUICKLY P:OH MY GOD D:*window-shattering scream* NOOOOooOoOoO NOOOO P: our neighbors are literally going to call the police
D: DONKEH D:DONKEH I LOVE YOU P:Donkey no D:well there must be something relevant in there P: Oh my god
D: Is there an onion in the building? P: This is horrifying D: look. look around *all star plays* D:OH MY GOD D: OOH P:why are you lifting your leg in the air? D:what did we just see? P:I don’t know what that was- D:that was like some weird low resolution t-posing shrek blimp P:oH my gOd D:I just saw the underside of his chin and the nose and then we died D: ALright phill
P: Okay if we hear the noise im just gonna get out there D: Now,
P: Forget donkey D:take a shot every time phil looks at an onion but doesn’t register that there’s an onion P: HEy
D: and runs in the opposite direction P:I was nervous my question is, are they randomly generated or are they always at the same place? D: I feel like they might always be in the saaaame plaaace…?
P: Do we know where some onions areeeee…? D: I have no idea D: Alright, well, why don’t you just walk with conviction P: There was one next to the bridge P: Yep!
D: There we go, alRIGHT D: Just k- keep walking with conviction and you’ll be okay (P: yep) D: Right
P: Do you remember where any of the other onions were? D: well there were- it was- (P: Barrel of pain) it was near the punishment barrel, okay still don’t wanna know what that’s about (P: um, wot) D: I swear that it was to the right, wasn’t it? P: oh there there there
D: there we go, that was one D:and now its one here that you missed *shrek noises* P:ohmygod he’s close he’s close D:is he near? P:he was in the house D:are you running right? well k-keep the hell away from the house(*shrek noise*) cause he’s in there P:god D:right D:there will be more D: I-I think-to the left, if you go- right P:there there there D:yes that’s the one I wanted you to go to D:see? good progress P:and then were back at the same playing field D:see phil you could do the slender games P:im so nervous D:*laughs*(P:i don’t like it)my heart is like gen- like im not even joking like genuinely fast beating(P:i really don’t like it, I hate it) D:i am unironically stressed right now P:review from Phil: I hate it D:*laughs* P:why is shrek so scary? D:well I don’t know but maybe he died in a house fire and now his ghost is avenging donkey D:yOu really need to get into that house, find an onion if it’s in there and get the hell out D:or stay away D:phil, you just have to commit, in these slender games you can’t stick around an area, you’re just doing laps in the same place P:*screams* D:oH FU-RUN R U N RUN W H A T P: IM RUNNING D:HFIKHGFKIHG WHY DID YOU TURN AROUND YOU-FFFFFFREAK P:i wanted to see of he was there D:i Don’T P:i think he’s gone D:nO he’s- P:nO he’s there he’s there, oh my god D:*laughs* he’s like “iM gOinG BaCk iN CiRclEs(???) P:iM HeRe tO sEe yOuR oNiOnS D:we just- phil, directional insanity, come on, just stick to a direction here P:im going to head toward the swap again P:i need to get another onion in ma belly D:youve got less than half, so far, so you really need to get some onions in there D:i feel like you’re trapping yourself in a little appendix of land P:it won’t let me go foward D:reach the edge of the world phil D:and if shrek is behind us, he’s behind us D:oK pHiL nO nO nO nO nO gEt aWaY FroM iT D:GO TO THE BACK, NO THAT’S THE WALL D:GO FORWARD AND LEFT AND THEN STICK TO THE WATER D:AND THEN RUN,JUST RUN RUN RUN R U N RUN RUN RUN RUN D:OOOOhHHHhhHHH D:No KEEP GOING THAT WAS THE PRE-WARNING D:JUST-RIGHT STCK IN THAT DIRECTION D: okay just gooooooo the hhhell away P:dAnIeL, donkey wouldn’t want this D:im going to stop back- donkey’s dead, he doesn’t want this P:where the f are the the onions then D:i don’t-well y’know its a very small area, invisible force fields are TRAPPING YOU D:KEEP AWAY KEEP AWAY, YOU ARE NOT KEEPING AWAY ENOUGH, YOU ARE NOT KEEPING AWAY ENOUGH P:ok im just know getting away now D:oh my GOD the music D:why am I scared by some random Scottish guy doing “all star” quotes P:this should be an illegal game D:well this seems different to other slender games in the sense that we can see a very slow moving shrek D:so really at this point there is literally no excuse for you not doing it D:that’s the board where we started D:this is the punishment barrel P:maybe we didn’t check the board properly D:if you got lost in the woods you would genuinely die phil P:no I wouldn’t D:i have literally have no faith in your basic short term memory when I comes to directions D:is it stressful like going to town(???) P:it is, it’s hard for me to know which way-which direction im walking D:go across the bridge and then back P:back across the bridge, right D:it must be some more onions around here P:i m s o s t r e s s t e d D:and remember what shrek does. when he sees the (???) on his eye P:what does he do *all star starts playing* P:why is all star playing *all star continues* *headphone warning* D:OOOHhHH SHIII-FUUUUFHFJGGRFKKOIOR Game:hEy nOw uR a RroCksTah P:that’s it, I can’t do it anymore P:yOu are scarier than frickin..shrek D:*laughs*i pulled your hand off the mouse P:why did you pull my hand off the mouse? D:we were like “is this all star?” “world’s on fire” how about “MMMMMMMooooooOOOoOOOOoOo” P:well(D:wow) didn’t get all of the onions D:what is “Run Away” then? P:i don’t know P:does that mean just don’t- D:*thinks about his life’s decisions* P:that means you just don’t want to play the game? D:i feel like- P:let’s try the extreme mode D:i feel like you need to do(P:no you need to try) 1 more round D:ok phil, we are enabling…OGREDRIVE P:what does that mean?(D:i don’t know) P:the swamp will envelope you P:i think it means envelop D:no phil, it will ENVELOPE US P:it will mail you to shrek D:can I just like punch shrek if he come near me P:no you just have to avoid that lad D:where are the other 4 onions, I feel like-I mean it didn’t help that you were in control of the directions P:i feel like we need to thrown Lord Farquaad into his mouth D:you can give me some backseat help right now D:this is going to ruin all shrek memes for me(P:it is) D:im not even joking like im not going to be able to even ironically listen to “all star” anymore P:we know where the other 3 onions are D:ive seen them (P: oH) P:we have not seen that before though D:yeah but ive seen shrek D:wait where did he go *shrek noise* P:that’s a porta-pottty *silence* DnP:there must be an onion in there P:oh god oh god check check D:fRICK FRICK FRICK FRICK FRICK FRICKITY(P:you need to check!) D:I C H E C K E D P:you didn’t say anything!(D:exactly!) D:there ain’t not fffrackin onion in there D:maybeee this is a metaphor for us living together P:you think so?(D:and shrek violently murdered donkey cause he had enough of this shit) P:hey im a great housemate P:i have a lot of skills P:*animal noise*(D:im just saying it’s inetable) D:and then there will be dan and phil simulator where phil chases you around the woods P:im leaving socks on the floor(D:exactly you have to collect the socks and there will be 5 meters in the woods) D:you change direction *ominus music* P:just stay on this path we’ll be fine P:*gasp*there’s one over there in the road *jumpscare warning* D:OOOOOhHHhHHHh D:WELL HOW DO I GET AWAY FROM HIM FASTER P:im holding my boobs, im holding my boobs(D:where is he *laughs* I don’t see him) P:i don’t know I don’t know D:release your boobs D:these games…i never want to play one as long as I live d:is tHAT REASONABLE IS THAT A REASONABLE REQUEST D:oh my god if I run into an invisible wall now P:w o l l D:if I RUN into a WOLL *silence* P:just check D:DOOOOOHHHHHHHHhHh FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF P:just get away D:*laughing* the worst thing about this it is the running and the (???)is not going to help P:*sings song* D:oH nO aN InvIsIbLe wAlL iNvIsiBlE WALL INVISIBLEFFTFTEYFDTSISUJIO D:OOOOOHHHHHHHH D:RIGHT(P:that’s enough, KILL IT) D:i need to go listen to like a sped up nightcore version of “all star” now to un-do(P:*makes evil shrek noises*) the trauma D:SOMEBODYYYYYY D:that’s going to happen to me in my sleep tonight D:in the middle of the night i’ll just see a giant ogre nostril like *makes weird noise* P:*laughs* D:um well idk what to say somehow y’know that’s just a formula for a terrifying game D:im just going to state here, I am never playing another slender game P:no that’s enough D:i feel like we peaked now and ruined christmas , what else is there to live for P:give us a thumbs up or shrek will enter your bedroom tonight D:and weve all seen “shrek is love. shrek is life” D:quote from God 2013 D:dont watch it if you haven’t