Dog Vlog: Airport Edition [laughs] I’d like to recap the standards of a service dog, in an airport [Intro Music] Honestly, when we went to the airport today I was like, panicking You don’t have to go? That’s f*cking terrifying She always shits on the days we travel I make sure she shits Stella did not go poop which means she’s a little bit constipated and that is going to f*ck up my day in a major way I poke her butthole until it happens I’m like, “You better get your shit and get out-” [Laughs] I will not have her poop on an airplane I don’t want to have to murder my service dog, because that would be suicide. I don’t poop on an airplane You kidding me? claustrophobia much, lavatory? Side note: I love how flight attendants are like “Oh, no smoking in the lavatory!” I’m like oh yeah cause I don’t know who has enough room to get both arms up to light it When we go to security she’s expected to just sit there and not look like a terrorist or that she is smuggling drugs in her liver One of the things that Stella deserves a lot of praise for is the fact that her vest is off and she still is exuding good behavior She has to get entirely naked when we go through security and so do I, and that is always a fun orgy for the employees of any given airport. When I walk through the metal detector She has stay on the other side For some reason we can’t walk through like together Stella is over here just chillin’ I love the TSA is like “Hey! All right, you need to take everything off your dog or it’ll set off the metal detector.” and then we get to the other side and the other TSA agents are like “Hey! You need to get that wild animal on a leash” I’m like “it’s in the f*cking x-ray machine” We’re relying on you guys to make sure someone doesn’t bring something on the plane to make it go down and you can’t whisper to the other TSA agent through the metal detector “oh hey man. The leash is through the x-ray” When I’m getting all my stuff on I put her over in the corner and I tell her to stay and she sits there perfectly. So while we’re getting checked here to see if I’m a threat to the country Stella is sitting offhand perfectly still. Still has not sh*t though She’s over there like sniffing for heroin like “okay, alright, that guy’s bad, that guy’s got liquids, this guy has pennies, forgot his keys, that chick brought shampoo and then when I have to go to the bathroom we go to the urinal and she’s expected to sit there and watch me pee much like I do with her every day Now we’re at the gate and we end up waiting at the pre-board area So we get to go on with all the old people We started to board the plane and she gave her a little boarding pass to the agent like “Ha ha ha.” and I was like “aah see- isn’t that cutesie? AND SHE STILL. HASN’T. POOPED. We were at our layover in Phoenix and she still just sat perfectly in the food court area so even around food she is still behaving. [to Stella] That’s amazing I’m proud of you baby because when I’m in the food court I’m like “Auntie Anne’s Pretzels, Panda Express, throw me dots. ICE CREAM! After us getting off the plane and her holding her bladder for 8 hours we have to go right outside to the potty spot where finally she pooped. I did like a victory jump. I was like high-fiving passengers. I was like “Yeah! Yeah! She did it! I’m such a proud parent!” honestly it felt like a huge weight had fallen out of my butthole. I’m tired of people shitting all over the service dog name. What about all the training that she went through. If it’s a service dog in the airport they need to be by your side. They can’t be thrown by loud noises–i.e. PLANES taking off. I’m tired of people coming to airports with their shitty dogs walking all over the place like this is just some zoo. They have one of those retractable leashes in the airport. I’m like “b*tch your dog’s in Terminal C and you’re in security.” It’s my destiny to make sure that people whose dogs are not behaving well (and kids) see my dog and go “okay, i’m pretty sure that that’s a piece of luggage” We had you guys caption a photo a few weeks ago of me and a baby. I think I was actually in this same outfit Top comment goes to.. that’s funny..that is funny. That’s been our show. That’s the standard for service dogs in airports. Make sure you guys subscribe to these videos. We do them every Monday and Thursday. Also make sure you check out my tour schedule. And check out past videos. And if you like crazy characters like me or my incredibly tame dog feel free to follow me on snapchat where you can see something like this. [laughing] I’m at the gym right now I’m bout to work out better than my relationships. Alright, everybody. That’s been our show. Hopefully today I made your peanuts extra salty Not a euphemism.