D: Hello Dan and Phil Games!
P: Hello- I wasn’t ready! I was just counting down D: And welcome to the channel. Today, we are delving back into the world of virtual reality
P: 3, 2, 1. Oi. P: I need to say my word!
D: But this time it’s serious P: Dan and Phil games job hunters
D: Where are you right now? I’m right next to you. I’m here. P: I’m all around you. I am the voice in your mind!
D: This is- You’re playing a dangerous game Phil. D: The Specter, haunting my reality.
P: So last time we did VR I almost threw up. P: It was horrible. I went greener than Voldemort after going on a merry-go-round.
D: I’m a VR expert D: I’ve been like slaying these Skyrim dragons and shit for days P: How do you not feel ill? D: I’ve got my VR sea legs.
P: It’s another proof that Dan is slightly robotic in the brain.
D: Take a seat *Robotic Sounds* P: That’s how proper people sit down.
D: So today D: we are playing Job Simulator.
P: I look like I’m on the naughty step down here in the corner D: You are, you’ve been very bad, getting nothing but coal next week.
P: Sit down on the naughty step D: Are you clear of things you might bump into P: Please don’t punch me in the- *abuse* D: All clear? (uh, no)
P: Ah! *bleep* D: Are you okay? D: Did I actually hit you in the face? P: Literally smacked me in the face.
D: I actually didn’t mean to P:I mean I forgive you, but oh my god.
D: Sorry about that.
P: It’s okay. You can pay for the medical bills D: There are no medical bills.
P: Yeah, we’re gonna reconstruct my face into Zac Efron’s face.
D: That will be expensive. D: I’m happy that I was here to start your journey.
P: Thank you.
D: Okay, Phil, it’s asking me to fully extend [my] arms P: Oh my god! I’ve now got a fear of arms! I need to go to an arm phobia clinic.
D: We survived.
P: I’m chopping off my own arms. P: ♫Job Simulator♫ So what job are you going to be doing?
D: Well let’s see- Time to job? D: I relate. So why is it a simulator? Is this like in the future we will be trained to do jo- bloody hell, okay P: I think It’s either robots or aliens. It’s robots D:Hey there P: Are they trustworthy?
D: Let’s get to work, sure. He has an official- oh my god look his tie. He’s the Job Bot
P: Awwww! P: I trust him!
D: He’s a floating CRT monitor D: I have questions.
P: If that’s what robots look like I embrace the time when they take over and kill us all D: Honey, the whole thing you got going on over there, the glasses the pearls, yes D: Right. so it is the year 2050.
D: And this, oh my god Phil look. What. Look at these graphs D: Robots are doing all the human jobs. Oh my god. We’ve only got like 30 years left P: Do you think there’ll be robot youtubers? Hello Dan and Phil games robots D: It’s not gonna be hard to do this better to be honest, is it? Okay um.
P: Look around the room D: Right so what have we got in here? Wow Job Bot.
P: That must be the president. D: So you like run this place, huh? That is a very imposing D:Pipe portrait you got there. Woah!
P: Wow. Oh my gosh D: Yep, that’s the future.
P: That’s me pootling along in my flying car when I’m 70.
D: So is this like D: We’re all WALL-E, just you know eating on some conveyor belt up there.
P: No, I think humans have wiped out P: This is the end
D: This is some like weird archeology to understand why humans did such weird things, yeah D: There is no success without JOB D: Okay, I’m scared right so what have got here? D: Oh shit, well you know fuck all those jobs I guess D: So we have gourmet chef
P: Ooo, that sounds dangerous
D: There’s an actual whisk on that so I’ll let you have that one Phil D: Okay right, oops sorry, right we have store clerk.
P: Well you’ve got some experience with that.
D: Yeah, that’s a bit too close to home for me D: I’m not sure of auto mechanic (well that ones not happening is it) but with the store clerk there might be an option to sell an axe to a seven-year-old D: Okay, so what do I do this thingamajig? I put it in the job simulator 3000. P: We’ve both worked in retail P: I think this will be a fine experience. D: Oh God D: Yeah with our combined knowledge of being hit with Terry’s chocolate oranges, and getting fired kind of twice, we should be able to do this. (P: We can do this!! :D) Pull lever to job.
P: Gooooo. D: Oo wow here I go this is my story of redemption Phil, This is how I make up for sleeping under the table, for pushing the panic alarm P: This is how you get your job back? D: Exactly.
P: Maybe your old manager will see this and offer you the job back.
D: Focus doesn’t exist anymore Phil, they were bought by wicks Woah okay here I am. Nice Hello, oh I’m a human am I? it looks like a Kwik-E Mart in the Simpsons. Convenience store clerk It is literally the Slush-E Mart Yeah, gee I wonder what inspired that I’ve always wanted a slushy from the Simpsons they look great Caution hot, I mean will this hurt my virtual hands? Do it. Oh my god *Burning in progress* It’s so hot it is carving through my flesh okay You need both your hands to serve the robots. How it feels to chew nano yums mmm OMNOMNOMNOM I’ll put that back there I bet in the future they’ll actually be able to reach for things then they’ll put like a taste spray into your mouth That’s the next level of VR right there. Put the PlayStation gum shield in your mouth Do they sell dirty magazines because they’re always behind the counter at 7-eleven Well, they sell hot and steamy gadgets ( ~ 3 °) Oh, which if you’re that dirty guy oh, yeah, you like the look of this coffee machine I bet you do Learn how to reticulate her splines I’m just gonna put that filth down. Okay. Take it when ready hello let’s get to business Oh hello, Phil a customer. Oh first customer. Please let me behave Oh God it’s a frat bot (not cool brah) What does he want? probably wants the dirty magazine. Chips, same. Breakfast of champions Oh, I love these generic “not Doritos” triangles Dan use the power of triangles. Okay sorry. He’s like please don’t touch me (why) That’s not that’s not how you treat customers Dan Wow okay, okay you need to be stopped. Okay right (thank you phil) Oh fuck right, sorry. Feed him * Dan forgot how to pick up things* Here we go, boop. Hey. Literally doing a better job than I did. What else does he want? Oh a meat cylinder I’ll give you the meat cylinder you want. ( ~ 3 °) Oh, he wants actual meat. Stop. Alright, where do you get the meat cylinder? From the freezer I think *noise* Okay, this is so fun. It’s so funny. Just watching you I just want to watch you and not the screen I have to like not stand in front of the camera or the games like what sausages? Where am I? Wow that’s frozen as diddly-heck Okay, right get it on the thing What I just put it on the? I don’t know, it might melt. Oh there we go, yes Mate, I’m cooking. What kind of meat is this in the future? Maybe it’s human meat, that’s the plot twist. Phil don’t let us think about this thing, right where are the buns at? the buns, I saw a thing that said buns to the right OH SHIT, ITS OVERCOOKED (x3) Do you like this? Do you like that? Like my granddad go in that uh go in that drawer there.
D: Oh the one that says, buns yeah. P: ♫Get the buns out for the robots♫ I mean you know P: is he gonna accept this? *IT LOOKS ACCEPTABLE* Acceptable I can work with that look it’s a minimum wage I don’t care about being anything other than acceptable. is there a bar code in the sausages. Yeah sure that makes sense Oh yes Yes, I’m that was beautiful look at that ketchup (mustard) . How can the receptacle as well? What you can’t do both You need to make a beautiful design there manner then perfect gradient. I kind of made some weird orange right now I’m here for that. It’s Kep-mustard Yes, scan the hotdog and there we go Thanks a bun P: AAAYYY Now I need to beep beep boopity Oh, you need to get the payment oh god. No, he does no better bargain. Oh my god. It give free D:Okay, well, I don’t know why this is so expensive, and I’m just pressing buttons
P: It’s the future economy
D: The training is super bad here I’m just gonna yeah CHA-CHING! 😀 Yeah No, no no I need to there we go. There’s your Bitcoin. Yeah, that was one trillionth of a Bitcoin Oh Ooo change I am the cash register, you know you dirty lady. How is that floating? Psychic robots, okay magnetic robots I am Blitzing this if only actual retail was this fun Yeah, just look for a desk you can fall asleep under and then you’ll be sorted. He has a monocle. Oh my god He’s serious Dan, free can *Get rekt monocle robot* Coryell sorry about that. What’s his I’m just cleaning this up a bit It’s gonna be filled with rats all right let’s see what his order is first so it’s got a nuts and bolts bar metal and chocolate is good combo definitely and tastes like science *munch munch* oh Oh fuck You ate his bar! I didn’t know you could do that I’m sorry Somehow, this is like the most advanced VR game I’ve ever play you’re gonna get fired Skyrim was pretty immersive, but like you can’t eat chocolate bars in it. I may have eaten the thing you wanted. I don’t really know how to deal with this just give another one Yeah, right bloody hell generic thought well *excited wiggles* OOOO! Okay right. hmm Don’t take his monocle! Oh oh my god dan you’re gonna get arrested They’re gonna put you on the scrap heap, okay. I I just stole this guy’s monocle. Yeah. This is role-playing with a level I’ve never experienced. Is that gonna be on the screen the whole time now I hope so right so he wants one of these Oh damn. That’s one THICC cup I mean look at the slushie to body ratio There’s gonna be a- where do you put all this obviously I have to do the half-and-half What freak just gets one flavor he gets the mix look at this they’ve made color mixing I’m so impressed if Esther you need to watch out *future stuff happens* Maybe that Jumbo’s Oh, maybe that jumbo sizes it D: you could put a lot of things on that that’s all I’m saying you want maximum sugar Okay, I mean are you ready for this dear sir? (I was born ready human) *oh I love the taste of sugar* Mother of god Okay, that would be me for every snack. Oh god. Oh my god *dan bickers about him dropping the cup on Phil* On what level am I finding this fun I don’t know, but I am. I really hated my life when I worked behind the cash register You’re just gonna live here in real. I know. I’m surprised this isn’t going worse Dan. You’re doing really well Please don’t hit me with the thing PrOtEcT Me!1! Yeah, you like that Phil? no I mean we’ve got this change here if we like jumbo the change does it turn into super money? Whaat?OoO Look at that mate. Amazing make the ketchup really big! Ahh, yes. Supersize everything. So I don’t understand how can this universe just be a- bloody hell Hey, Phil want some ketchup. I just like launched across the room there, sorry. What would you enlarge if given the chance dan? ( dirty-minded phil struck again) I’m sorry about him, okay Genuine question. Can I like cause a car accident by throwing oh god? Oh? Stop! JESUS God you’re not on the freakin I thought you were gonn set fire to the shop. I would enlarge one of my hamsters and get a dog size hamster And then you’d breed them all and take over the world yeah, the end game of Phil Lester I am the king of shopping. I think you’re far too good at this. I think even though I’m probably gonna throw up Oh, hey girl. I should have a turn on a job Are you sure because I’m happily like making up for everything that I ever did wrong No. In my real retail experiences fine. Okay. Let’s do another job *ominous exit burrito* *munch* (burrito says really) *munch* Is that how you exit? I ate an Exit burrito. that should be how to leave everything. I don’t even know how to react to that (same) okay Phil I hope you’re ready here we go. This is gonna be a short attempt because I don’t (wanna) throw up I punched you in the face, then I’m actually fearing for my life right now, don’t even try okay? I’m freaking out! How is this Phil. oh, it’s so much more Realistic when you stood up. This is crazy. right. holy crap. I’m falling over myself I’m gonna go with gourmet chef. nice choice. oh my god what is happening It’s glitching out. right here we go. slot it in *dink* nice pull that lever CAZAM! Am I teleporting? yes, you’re- everything’s gone black. it’s blindfolded chef making This is the future so accept it or die i guess is what’s happening Where am I uh? Order up Phil get movin UHHHHHHHHHH Pull the paper. I’m ready. What’s your order oui? Chef yes, yeah? I need some bacon get that breakfast done. Phil take your time. If you were in a real kitchen Would you not like flail around and go bacon you okay? Yeah? *disappoint* You just threw the bacon across the restraunt. You see the bacon anywhere I feel like he’s through the bacon at jobbot and he’s very Sorry, maybe if I cook than this that’s a steak Phil. Okay. Well. That’s a very premium breakfast. Oh, thank you I found the bacon okay Phil oh The way the world works is if you turn around the camera can’t see you so you try to you try turning the other way Got the sweet~ bacon *bop* look at this (YAASS) , dude. I wish I could cook on that Baker see right so what here you go That’s some Tomatoes you coming very close to me like crack an egg. How do I crack it? There you go? *phil screaming* Whoa okay you got the shell on the side, and the yolk on that okay. No be crispy What do I do with the food fill it was? crispy Now it’s just cremated egg done that looks pretty done go around That seemed like a horror game Emeline I could work in a fancy restaurant. I’m getting the hang of this oh My god fill in a blender, okay. Yes don’t throw the flaming food at the customers. I can’t say that’s recommended. Oh, what’s happening? Okay, activate blender NONONONONONONOONONONONONONO Get some carrot, okay, good a carrot smoothie what you’re going for like carrot and Badger or something okay that that’s I? Don’t know what kind of taste They have in this universe, but I’m gonna go to Kara as an apple an apple apple and carrot yes He is eight one people okay? What about this orange? Nice will they go and lemon a lemon that’s excellent and meat for the protein. Okay well This is really very disturbing right now. All right. Whew you blended that with? A cup you see a cup anywhere dan? Theres one there (AAHH) *phil is adorable* Did I fall on the present? you fell on the present oh I can feel it. I’m sorry IN THE ARRRRMMMMSSS OF THE ANGELLLLLSSSS You literally just destroyed Christmas oh, but I’m sorry Christmas. How could you forget? I’m SSO for that I tripped over it Oh, No there’s glitter all over the chair like you made them bleed FLY AWWWAAAYYYYY, FLY AWWWWWAAAAAAYYY Well, no one cares about your body right now. You destroyed the pro Christmas, and I hate look you’re doing this great film let’s give it a little shake yes and onto the plate No okay here we go. I’m gonna get some more. It’s fine No one needs to know that happen calm Phil you need to put it on the plate and then ding the bell I’m gonna put your mom on the ding and plate her up, right *confused Dan* Right ding the bell Nice you did it Phil alright one more one more Phil being a gourmet chef. I’m not sure that is this right He has a moustache have to get this right Hey Tea and crumpets nice to meet you. This is your heritage Oh kettle this sounds dangerous that was me after I’ve had my brain put into a robot’s brain, okay, so yeah I got the kettle I’m just gonna fill work out what he’s doing in his own speed oh Well you hope the kettle on the grill yes. That’s what you did all right uh? Where’d I put that oh? You are supposed to grill it just with water in it? *how do you set fire to tea?* Okay, and the mugs on fire okay quickly get the fire extinguisher, Phil, a fire extinguisher Okay, I’m okay, okay? Oh no Phil you’re very heavy-handed. P: I’m sorry I’m just gonna do that again now. D:You need to be very calm P:I’m pouring, i”m pouring.D: Okay, delicate, is there a tea bag in it. P:Yeah D: Okay. BOTH: Yes, yes, yes. P:Yes, lads. Phil (P:okay, now) master of virtual physics. You got some toast there. But that’s not the job. P:That’s not the job What it was is saying is- look on the screen the screen is very helpful. P: Looking for a crumpet. There’s our crumpets right there? Oh! D: Phil, stop eating the things that you need to give to the customer. P: Oh, no! D:What? P :I’ve made a fire. Oh, god. Phil you’ve burned the toast- how did you put bread on the grill? You know how to use a toaster, don’t you? There we go it’s on (D:nice) ok plating up the crumbs. 1, 2- (D:you have to be delicate Phil come on) Oh no the fire’s still on! Phil don’t put the fire extinguisher on the stove. Jesus, God. D-do you need to do this? Okay, this is this is becoming a right old flop right now. (ah, no!) I don’t know our job- Jobotron or whatever his name is he’s- he’s panicking. Yep. You’re pushing that foam. P: It’s not working (D:you spring crumpets) oh forget it It’s okay. Right, okay. I’ve got my crumpets. D: Phil, pick up your tea. No, Phil Phil Phil come on. (P:Nooo) You need to be patient. P: It’s empty. (All of that hard work) I give up. I don’t care Okay Phil- okay. He’s trashing the kitchen.(P: Get out) This is- okay robot(Get out) robot we need to do something about him. He’s lost control. (I’ve had enough) We have a situation in the Job Simulator I’m fearing for my life IRL P:I’ve spent so long lovingly making that teat. D: The virtue of patience and bodily movement. (Oh my god) We’re never playing this game again Let’s calmly try and fix Christmas okay? P: the presents form form the presents D:They have character. You know this- we’re sending a message that Christmas may not be perfect for every family But it’s who you spend the time with not what your presents look like (P:yeah) There’s no way I can save this Phil this is so doomed. (P:I’m sorry) Phil, that is a rhombus. P:That’s what the gift is. Plot Twist. D: okay. well they’re kind of destroyed, but we still love them yeah That’s what Christmas is all about let’s put this away. P:Why does it make me feel so ill? D: You just need to get your sea legs on, Phil. P:I’m never gonna get my sea legs. D: Just another 400 shifts of these IRL jobs And you’ll be ready to transition into the reality and virtual. p:I said never again But then I thought it’d be fun And I forgot how bad it was. D:oh dear. and you got punched in the face And you punched everything in the kitchen in the face. P: O, forget that that game. It’s cancelled. You do the end screen. I’m just gonna bask in my own sickness.D: I think what this showed is no matter what neither of us should have ever worked in retail(P: no) even if it’s a video game. Alright Well if you enjoyed this video give us a thumbs up for Phil’s suffering. Make sure you subscribe if you want to see the rest of the videos this Gamingmas over there. you can check out our channels if you feel sorry for the dude and uuh He’s gonna have a long lie down. (P: uuuh *dying noises) He’s not gonna survive the future is he?